It’s been 8 months since I found out that my swimming career was over due to my epilepsy diagnosis. I’ve written about this before: the journey that led me to finally give it up. The first seizure, shoulder surgery, the seizure after that, and the doctor’s decision. Since then, I’ve suffered a third seizure, which just solidified the decision – it would have been too dangerous for me to continue.

I was heartbroken at first, and I still am. I think a part of me always will be. Sitting by the side of the pool and watching my teammates compete was harder than I ever thought it would be. Having people tell me, “You’re so lucky that you don’t have to swim!” crushes me. Thinking about the things I could have done, the time I could have dropped, and all the goals I had that I never got to achieve.